Ballack

I've stopped writing to Ballack asking him to sign for Everton. Looks like he's opted for another 12 months stay in West London, presumably to get on the nerves of the next Chelsea manager. Instead I'm now writing to Torsten Frings, another German international midfielder, a very good one let me tell you, messing about at Werder Bremen. He's 32, German and knows how to manage a game.

Oh, and just check out his website. Can you imagine an English player putting something like this together? Do any of them have the wit or imagination to do it? Course not.

http://www.torsten-frings.com/

Saturday Night

Well, that's that then. Hopefully we don't have to wait for another 14 years, but given the way football has become so influenced by cash flow in the last 14, I'd be surprised if things change.

Today was awful. The excitement peaked at about 29 seconds into the game. After Saha's strike, Chelsea regrouped, took hold of the match and basically rolled us over. They're not pretty, their football is formulaic and fairly direct, but they're a powerful bunch and just stifle the life out of you. Yes Hibbert was out of his depth against Malouda, Osman irrelevant, and Fellaini just looks so over-priced it's a wonder how many breweries Everton's directors visited in Belgium last August before handing over £15million, but the whole thing had the impression that Chelsea were just waiting to score a couple and put the event to bed.

I can't remember Cech having to make a save. That says it all.

Later in the summer I may be able to look back and reflect on a pretty successful season by our standards and something most other clubs (hello Newcastle) would give their right arms for. But then again, maybe I won't. It's a sad thing now that the game is so utterly dominated in England by just four teams, that the best of the rest can be so outclassed on a day as big as the FA Cup Final.

Saturday. Game On.

Cup Final Day is now upon us. Yesterday it was evident in London that Evertonians were starting to arrive, particularly around the stations at Euston and Kings Cross, but other early arrivals were spotted at some of the more famous and attractive sights in town. For some reason or other, known only to himself, a friend of mine went to Canary Wharf.

Amongst the moaning about the price of a pint of lager - wait til you get anywhere near Wembley folks - there is a buzz and anticipation that Everton can actually pull this off, beat Chelsea, and win the FA Cup for the first time in 14 years. Even a gnarled veteran and eternal pessimist like myself can see some merit in this. I've heard enough times this week (from all but Chelsea and Liverpool supporters) that an Everton win would be 'good for football' but I don't really care about football today. I couldn't care less if the 2009 FA Cup Final is the most atrocious in recent memory, goes the distance and Everton squeeze home via a penalty kick that hits the net via post and bar. All I want is an Everton victory.

In reality it's going to a tough afternoon. Everton is a good side these days. We don't get beat often and can usually hold onto a lead. Our problem, and it relates directly to making the next step up, is we don't win many crucial games and certainly not against better sides and to do this teams need to score goals, and we don't score enough goals. Our record this season as with plenty of others shows that we can get one goal against any one of the top 4 teams. Against Chelsea, it's less than one.

So, it'll be about hanging in there, defending as well as we've done all season and taking that one opportunity we may get (because Chelsea will give you one), and hoping Chelsea fail to deliver on the day. Shut down Lampard and we've got a real chance.

Go on Everton, make my day.

Kendall interview

In the Independent today. Best piece you'll see in the build up to the cup final. Times are different and Kendall is a world away from his halcyon days, but his team was special and this is a good interview with Brian Viner - Evertonian.

http://www.independent.co.uk/sport/football/fa-league-cups/howard-kendall-this-everton-side-takes-me-back-to-the-eighties-1692430.html

Back into the mad world of Bill Kenwright, he paints an extraordinary picture today of his other half - actress-lovey Jenny Seagrove - singing 'Tell Me Ma' on the coach bound for Wembley tomorrow. Surreal.

Happy Slapper

Nice one Everton. Real classy touch. Arrived home tonight to find one of these on the door mat. The sort of trick I'd expect from Gillingham and their big day out on Saturday.

Maybe we should get one of those big banner flags we can pass around over our heads in the stands at Goodison next season? Or do one of those Kop-esqe tributes with cards that ape what they've been doing all over Europe for years?

All that and they're irritatingly noisy. Hopefully I'll be sat behind the 50-something Twiggy look-a-like again this time who kept doing a Turkish-style throat slitting gesture to the Mancs at the semi.

Tiles

Now then I know it's not really the thing to be seen doing. Taking pictures in any toilet is a bit taboo, but in the bogs at Goodison? Well it's right up there with the smokers in the traps at Sunderland a few weeks back. Actually that was worse due to the additional health risk I suppose. Full marks to the lads who were chased out of one end by some shop-steward type veteran of the Korean conflict in an EFC beret only to slide back in via the second entrance moments later.

Anyway, the reason for this is I've been fascinated by the tiles in the Goodison toilets for a while now and finally got the opportunity to snap away at the Spurs match. An admirable bit of design work I think and I'm damn sure people would bite the club's hands off at the chance to lay their home bathroom to a similar high standard of design and fitting.

Who Next At Celtic Park?

Just seen on the Internet that Strachan has chucked it at Celtic. Perfect timing given the link between him and Sunderland in the last 24hrs. Or maybe even those madmen at Newcastle will give him a job? Reason I bring it up is we're now going to see the old 'Moyes to Celtic' nonsense splashed all over the press to MP Expenses proportions over the next days and weeks. Well, maybe not that much. I'm no gambler, but if I were, I'd be fairly confident in backing my collection of Panini sticker albums against Moyes moving north just now. In fact, I'd say he'd be more likely to take on the simple task of reawakening that 'sleeping giant' of the North East (that'll be Sunderland then) than waste three years in the 2-horse race in Scotland.

On a recent edition of Inside Sport in an interview with ace-in-the-hole journalist, Gabby Logan, Moyes spoke of managing in Scotland at some stage, but I just can't see that happening right now. On the radio this morning a clearly drug-addled fan of Sunderland was talking about their new owners going after Moyes to replace Rikki Superga based on the notion that Everton haven't got the money to buy Jo, but the Makems do. Great thinking mate. Even if Everton did have the 19 million for Jo, I wouldn't have him on my first choice list. Maybe signing Anton Ferdinand for 8m was a good idea too?

Connected to Scotland I was chuffed to see David Weir lift the SPL title with Rangers on Sunday. Since he left Everton, Weir has won a few medals, played in a UEFA Cup Final and is still going at 39. Class act.

Countdown

The countdown begins. I collected my cup final tickets from the Post Office this morning and it then dawned on me that this time next week I'll be all over the shop, chewing bark, climbing walls and at times wishing I could be anywhere else but England.

I'm bailing out of Fulham tomorrow because I'm tired of the Premiership. I won't be watching the Sky coverage either. It's all about the cup final. That said, it would amuse me no end if Newcastle are the ones to take the drop. But I've got a feeling it'll be Sunderland. No idea why.

Good to see we've moved to get Jags and Yobo tied up on contract extensions. Same policy as last couple of years with Osman, Neville and Hibbert given similar deals in 2008. It's all about continuity - teams like Newcastle and Spurs should take note. The squad is solid. Even with Arteta and Yakubu returning for Autumn, we still require a couple of real quality players, preferably in the middle and one on the wing who has pace.

Possibly the best photo you'll see all year

Hammers and Tigers

If you ever see The Times at the weekend, there is a great columnist called Daniel Finkelstein who uses a lot of statistics and historical match-ups between two teams to produce a decent set of analysis as a guide to whether you can expect your team to win at the weekend. The Fink Tank is obviously all stats, probability and so on, but I still find it fairly compelling to prevent certain 'foolish' bets or avoiding unfounded optimism.

Anyway, I'm not completely sure, but I don't think there is a team in the Premier League that Everton can expect to beat each year at Goodison than West Ham. The home win rating is about 60 per cent. West Ham to win at Goodison is about 17 per cent. A given if ever there was one.

I used Finkelstein's analysis in deciding not to attend yesterday's match opting instead to watch Leicester take on London Irish in the Guinness Premiership at Twickenham. A truly terrible game of rugby but the result was a win for Leicester by the footballing equivalent of a 1-0. Leicester play rugby in the same way Arsenal used to win matches in the days of George Graham; not pretty but successful.

As we approach Wembley, I'd take the worst cup final on record and a 1-0 win for Everton.

itunes Everton

I don't bother buying much stuff from iTunes, but occasionally have to indulge myself. Where else can you get a copy of the 8 minute version of I.O.U by Freeez these days for example without visiting one of those record fairs?

What I did notice tonight is that the FA Premier League has got in on the act and you can now download a handful of Premier League matches from about 2002/03 onwards including the 3-0 Everton demolition of Liverpool from a few years back. I think it's the only Everton victory featured in the set. Got to be worth £1.49p I'd say.

Money

In a week clouded by a host of MPs abusing their position as an elected representative of the people and skimming off taxpayer's money to line their luxurious, shag-pile sofas with another layer of golden fleece fur, I noticed Everton Football Club has helped itself to some money from my bank account.

Which was nice of them. Perhaps an email or text will be forthcoming confirming that I am shortly going to be the recipient of a prized cup final ticket. Or maybe they're just borrowing the money for a bit and will repay it with interest when someone lets the Daily Telegraph know what they're up to.

Spurs

Drew O-O against Spurs. Based on chances created, we probably should have won. But we didn't because we don't really have one of those tap-in type goalscorers. At the back, Yobo and Lescott kept Defoe and Moanin' Keane out of harm's way. That was a highlight, particularly as the pairing is going to be critical against Chelsea in three weeks. Other highlights were Gomez's goalkeeping and the cameo by Pavlyuchenko for the last fifteen minutes. I could have sworn he was trying to end his season early by getting the ref (who was appalling - note for UEFA), to send him packing.
As nil-nil draws go, it was decent. Both sides attempted to win the game and there was actually some decent football played.

Pienaar was again superb but I'm getting concerned about the role Saha is supposed to be playing. He could be injured. Otherwise, why doesn't he start matches? Despite having Saha and now Vaughan available, we persist with Jo plus one other. Of late it's been Fellaini, who again frustrated the hell out of me, with Cahill dropping into the midfield. Why not put Saha up top with Jo and play Fellaini alongside Rodwell in the centre of the park? Rodwell was great too I thought.

So, it's three weeks til the big one. We now have to hope for no more injuries or moments of madness from silly little men in black that may result in red cards and suspensions.

Curses! If it hadn't been for those meddlesome kids...

Well, my Grand Plan for FA Cup glory is in tatters today following Chelsea's seizure at Stamford Bridge in injury time last night. Now it's all down to Everton and how they cope on the day. The only question left is how will that energy and emotion-sapping result against Barcelona last night affect Chelsea? Will it galvanise them into concentrating on the FA Cup as their final chance at silverware this season? Or will the side be a spent force, doomed to wander that lonely wilderness with empty hearts knowing that Rome will not need their glamorous presence come May 27th?

Who knows? Judging by the state on most of their supporters at work today, I'd say the latter; most looked ready to escape for two weeks in the sunny Caribbean and await the next set of exciting, world-famous players to arrive in July.

The one thing that stood out in the game last night, well aside from Barcelona's astonishing ability to play keep ball for about 80 per cent of the night and not have a shot at goal til the 92nd minute, was John Terry's look of total bewilderment just after Iniesta's strike. There was a man who captains England and alongside Lampard is the core of the Chelsea operation, stood staring blankly like a goldfish not comprehending events just past and not having a clue what to do next. Time was up. Chelsea were out and nobody could do anything about it.

Then Ballack and Drogba went mad. Fabulous.

Paper Talk

We're a few weeks away from the end of the season. Lucky for Everton, we're in the FA Cup Final (still feels good), and there is still a decent battle going on at the top and bottom of the Premier League. However, the papers are getting itchy feet. They're bored of match reports and the feature pieces on certain players are a thing of the past because players don't talk to journalists anymore, except on the sly when they need something.

Anyway, the number of lines given to football gossip is increasing as teams apparently are starting to draw up their summer wish lists. Or is it more a case of agents contacting teams with their wish lists? I even saw the crew on Sky asking Mick McCarthy and Alex McLeish about whether they'd started planning for next season since both manager's won promotion. One of them at least had the nous to tell Dicky Keys that the season wasn't over yet.

So it's good to see the nonsense returning. We've all seen the Michael Owen link, and yet again Joe Ledley is on the radar. But the link to Christian Poulsen at Juventus is a newby. Let's hope he responds better to the possibility of a move to Everton than his Portuguese colleague, Tiago, who allegedly locked himself in the toilets when told the news and refused to leave yelling (presumably in Portuguese) "I'm not going there".

Poulsen, for the record, is a defensive holding midfield player who did very well at Seville for a few years before signing on with Juve last summer. He isn't a regular as his place is more regularly filled by a certain Mo Sissoko...

Respect

Got the Arsenal vs United game on in the background. Watch the reaction by Alex Ferguson to the Korean scoring and then cast your mind back to his pompous (and staged) dig at Benitez over a perceived lack of respect shown to Allardyce last month.

If he was in the crowd it could be forgiven.

Phil Likes Peanuts

Capt Phil wasn't exactly going out on a limb when he gave this interview to the official website at Everton now was he? Phil says that Stephen Pienaar is Everton's best player 'by a mile' at present.

The only noteworthy thing about the comment is that the captain singled out one player for particular praise, rather than a general 'everyone is going great at present'.

Pienaar is the club's second-most creative player after Arteta anyway. His polished skills, attractive footwork and willingness to take the opposition on make him standout from the crowd. It's a shame we don't have a few more.

Phil tells it how it is here

Stadium of Light

Went to the Stadium of Light on Sunday. My first visit. Very impressed with the outside and even more with the view from inside. Obviously the whole experienced was made better by Everton's comfortable second-half performance and tidy win.

Few impressions.

1. First was the usual struggle we seem to have at the outset in breaking teams down, even those as poor as Sunderland. The second half saw Everton up the tempo and put some good football together. Does it need a regular half-time rocket from DM to gee the players up?

2. Jo was impressive. Probably the first time away from home. His application shows us just what we miss without a genuine forward during the cup games. I think he's scored 5 goals in his 9 games, albeit against pretty mediocre teams. It will be a tough decision in the summer if we get the option to buy. I fancy his price tag will be prohibitive for a bid.

3. Pienaar was magnificent.

4. What gives when the locals from a place as dreary and mundane as Sunderland start up the "you've knicked our stereos" chant? Lads, check out the state of the area and some of the quality mongs appearing from the confines of Seaburn who attended the match?

5. The mass walkout of the Sunderland fans seconds after Fellaini's tap in was quite pronounced. There is clearly some significant dissatisfaction with the team and manager judging by the conversation on the Metro back to Newcastle after the final whistle. Sbragia has to be the Premiership's most unlikely manager.

6. The weather was nice all weekend in the North East. Puts a nice gloss on things.

Everton finally get some Fanni

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/sport/football/article2406331.ece

Silly season is on